Ask the Schoolar
Ask The Scholar
Question Details


Question: I posted my question like 3 times before; I really need your guidance and opinion about my problem. I have been married for a year and half; now my husband talks to a non-muslim friend; she doesn’t know that he's a muslim or married; the fact that he talks to her almost daily bothers me a lot and caused us problems in our life, because he thinks that it's not haram that he talks to her and all that; so I was just wondering can a muslim man have a female friend and talk to her almost daily (nothing that has to do with work because they don't work together anyway, as he says she's a college friend)? And if there is anything that I can tell him to convince him that it's not permissible and that he's hurting me by doing this?
Answer:

You have every right to be concerned about your husband’s un-Islamic behavior. In Islam it is clearly forbidden for us to befriend members of the opposite sex and forge such carefree relations with them. Your husband may do well to place himself in your shoes. Ask him if he would condone a similar behavior from you? In other words, he would not want you to befriend another man, calling him, and chatting with him without any inhibition. If, God-forbid, he says it is ok with him, then clearly he is devoid of ghirah (the permissible jealousy which should be a second nature with all believers in regards to such matters), which is clearly a sign of deficiency of faith.

In Islam we are not allowed to cross the limits set by Allah; the limits set by Allah in regards to the issue of male-female interactions are clear; adultery and fornication are clear acts of lewdness, which entail dire consequences in this world and the next; it is therefore incumbent on the faithful not only to shun such vices but also to strive hard to distance ourselves from them as best as we can. Therefore we are ordered to shun all the means and leads that may directly or indirectly lead to them. Hence the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “Eyes commit adultery, ears commit adultery, tongue commit adultery, hands commit adultery, feet commit adultery; the private parts finally consummates or repudiates it!”

The Prophet, peace be upon him, also said, “Beware of dubious matters and keep away from them; for whoever dabbles with them, he/she is like a shepherd letting his herd loose around a protected territory; for the herd might easily trespass into the protected territory; Likewise, whoever indulges in the doubtful things, he/she might fall in that which is haraam.” “Whoever, therefore, shuns the doubtful they guard their honor and religion intact!”

The Prophet, peace be upon him, also said, “When a man and woman (other than maharim or lawful spouses) isolate themselves, they are joined by a third companion: the Devil!” Forbidden isolation mentioned in the above hadith extends to chatting on phone or chat lines with members of the opposite sex. Besides, there is no such thing as befriending members of the opposite sex in Islam in the way you have described.

Your husband, therefore, may do well to reflect on his behavior and the harm he causes to himself and his family. Let him also reflect on the following:

1.Adultery/fornication is an abomination; its dire consequences in this world and the next are incalculable;

2.Let him also reflect on the Prophetic statement, “Paradise is surrounded by things hard on the carnal soul, while hell is surrounded by things that are desirable for the carnal soul.” He also said, “A wise person is he who compels his carnal soul to obey Allah by restraining himself/herself from things forbidden by Allah; while a foolish person is he/she who follows their own vain desires and then vainly hopes for the mercy of Allah.”

May Allah grant us steadfastness in faith and good works so that we may meet Him with a heart that is untainted by shirk and sins-aameen.

Ask the Schoolar