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Question: As-salaam AlaykumI thank you for your time and hope inshaAllah that you will be able to help me find some answers. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. About 6 months ago I found out that he has been having relations online with people(men and women mostly women) watches pornography and masturbates. I dont know why I had this gut feeling to check his computer but when I did my whole world came crashing in. He even did this while my mother in-law and I were at Hajj. I can even remember asking him if he read Quran during that time and he said no. I found that to be very strange but his work is mostly online. So I never gave much thought to it. When I confronted him 6 months ago he lied and said that someone was trying to set him up and if there was anything it was from before we were married. I have trouble in general speaking with him because he gets angry easily and yells very loud. I have kept checking on him and he hasnt stopped. I thought I had made a breakthrough with him about 2 or 3 weeks ago when he admitted to masturbating online and he promised me that he would never do that again. But that was short lived. I also confronted him about some profiles he had made so that he could meet people he lied. When I checked he deleted the profile. Only to make more soon after. He is a good man and I accept all the faults that he may have and I have expressed this to him. I went so far as to do things that I know are wrong in Islam only to please him. He denied me(ALHAMDULILAH) but only to do things with the other people or watch porn. He tries his best praying and saying extra prayers when possible. I am so afraid with these actions he will go to hellfire and I will too because I wasnt able to stop him. I know that I am NOT the perfect wife as much as I desire to be to him. I can write here much more but will stop because this is the main problem I have with him at the moment. Im really lost and love my husband..I really dont know what to ask please help. Thank you so much again for your time. Jessica
Answer:

First of all, you need to take away from your mind the guilt feeling you are having. It is not at all healthy for you: either spiritually or emotionally. By doing this you are owning up to his offence,  which you shouldn't.  In Islam, each person is responsible for himself or herself; he is a fully mature adult, and he ought to know what he is doing, and that he alone bears responsibility for his actions. Having said this, let me rush to add: I am not in any way implying that you fold your hands and do nothing. Rather what I am saying that you to do everything within your means to save your husband who is drowning.  For there is no more vicious  a sin than becoming addicted to porn and sexual promiscuity. Such a life-style may lead to eternal perdition. Allah says, "Do not go anywhere near adultery for it is an outrage and an evil path." (Qur'an: 17: 33). After having done your best to help him, if he does not want to help himself, then abandon him to his fate, for no one help a person who doesn't want to help himself. Allah said: You who believe, you are responsible for your own souls; if anyone else goes astray it will not harm you so long as you follow the guidance; you will all return to Allah, and He will make you realize what have done." (Qur'an: 5: 105)

To conclude: my advice to you is: 1) warn your husband of his vices and addictions and the dire consequences of such a life-style; 2) pray to Allah to inspire him to come to his senses and turn to the straight path.

If he is still refusing to take the steps to correct himself; and  persists in them then you will have to decide whether you wish to continue to be married with him.

You will find below my previous answer on the Islamic tips to break free of addictions.

 

 

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