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Question: Hello brother in Islam I'm A Muslim woman (alhamdala) I'm getting married this summer (inshallah) Whats my role?how can i be the best in my husbands eyes? Please help! I Want to be the best Muslim women to my husband!
Answer:

I congratulate you for your upcoming marriage. I also pray to Allah to help you nurture and maintain a most blessed and blissful marriage. Marriage is all about fostering a good partnership through a shared spiritual vision and partnership. I have devised some tips, which I hope, will go a long way in making a happy marriage.

ELEVEN KEYS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1.Create and develop a common spiritual vision and formulate a family mission statement accordingly.

2.Expect and be resolved and committed to create harmony, love and affection for your partner. Let these be the constant thought that you cherish and nurture in your innermost heart.

3.Translate the above niyyah (firm resolution) into practical steps that you will be taking every day: saying kind words and doing simple acts of kindness in order to nurture true happiness and elicit positive responses from your partner.

4.Cultivate genuine respect for your spouse as a person and appreciate him/her, and force yourself to focus on the positive strengths of each other.

5.Life is an opportunity to grow together spiritually and emotionally. Therefore develop the habit of prayer and thanksgiving to Allah. No matter how many material goodies you don't possess, you still have more than enough to thank Allah and be grateful for.

6.Whenever you are tempted to dwell on what you don't have, force yourself to look towards the millions of people in the world who are deprived of even the most basic things you enjoy and take for granted every day.

7.Spend quality time with your spouse and cultivate the habit of doing creative projects together through which you will foster true companionship. Have consistent family rituals of eating together, going for a walk, visiting the sick, or doing exercises, or even cooking special meals together, etc.

8.Do not dwell too much on the superficial aspects of your life; rather focus on the most important values in life.  For a Muslim, aakhirah (the next world) is always the home where all his/her needs are fulfilled. Therefore, develop the habit of contentment and richness of heart by reflecting on the values of Islam as well as the lives of the Prophet, his wife and family, and Companions and the friends of Allah throughout centuries as your role models.

9.Forgive each other consistently for the little trespasses, omissions and mistakes, for without a spirit of forgiveness you can never forge a lasting relationship. It spares one lot of agony to recognize that no one is perfect-including you.

10.If it were a question of sacrificing your interest or that of your partner, sacrifice your interests. Also consistently condition yourself to look at the issues from your partner's point of view so that you are not locked up in your own narrow vision/perspective.

11.Allow space for your partner to grow in his/her own way. Marriage is not merging of two personalities in a greater whole; rather it is an opportunity for two individuals to forge a partnership in which they must face the challenges of life together in order to realize the full potentials that God has endowed each one of them with.

A DAILY CHECK LIST FOR MARRIED COUPLES

1.Have you appreciated Allah's wonderful gifts on both of you today?

2.Have you invested in your marriage today by taking simple steps to foster love, affection and closeness?

3.Have you done your share of little acts of kindness that would make a big difference in creating harmony?

4.Have you appreciated your partner for the little things?

5.Have you jointly invested in your physical, spiritual and intellectual goals today?

6.Have you prayed together?

7.Have you tried to see the matter from your partner's perspective when you were tempted to be angry?

8.Have you added to the legacy of love and mercy that you must leave behind you as a married couple?

9.Have you nurtured your family tree today?

Remember: Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; it is the fruit you reap by caring for the tree everyday. If you care for the tree well you can expect a sweet fruit; but if you fail to care, you can only blame yourself for reaping a bitter fruit!

RULES FOR AVOIDING CONFLICTS

1.Condition yourself to give satisfaction to your spouse.

2.Never put down your spouse in front of others.

3.Never fail to appreciate each other.

4.Never go to bed or drive out, without making peace.

5.Never be angry at the same time.

6.If you must criticise, do it lovingly.

7.Don't bring up past mistakes.

8.Neglect each other at your own peril.

9.Remember it takes two to quarrel.

10. Never be shy to apologize for your own mistakes.

10.Allow for emotions to cool down before trying to resolve outstanding issues.

11.Never get yourself bogged down in problems; turn them into challenges

12.Think solutions.

13.Avoid nagging; remember tongues hurt more than swords.

14.Remember, where there is smoke there is fire; most fires start from a little spark!

15.Don't make mountains out of molehills! Remember life without challenges is not worth-living!!

 

You may also do well by reading the Muslim Marriage Guide by Dr. Ekram Bashir.

 

 

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