Ask the Schoolar
Ask The Scholar
Question Details

Question: Asalaamu Alaikum Im married and living with my in laws for a year and my mother-in-law talks bad about me to other people treats me very badly and creates fights between me and my beginning to resent my in laws and my husband..also they depend on him financially even though he has a younger brother and a father who can work but is not willing to leaving me with not enough for my spending or saving even though his family is living very well..I want my own place as my in laws place has no privacy and is small compared to the people living in it....plz help my husband earns well but he gives evrything to them so there are no savings nothing for us and he can afford a small rented appartment if he gives them less..because they are saving and living very well on his money...i feel this is very unfair please guide me..I know is it my right to ask for my own place especially since they treat me like this and are just using my husband..

Your husband should balance his duties towards you and his parents. While he should provide for his parents to the best of his ability if they cannot support themselves, you have a right to your private space. Let me cite here from one of my earlier answers on this issue:

"A person's duty towards his parents comes second only to his duty towards Allah. Allah says: [Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you shall render utmost kindness to your parents] (Al-Israa' 17:23).

This, however, does not mean that he can be neglectful or complacent of his duties towards his spouse and children. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "There is no sin worse than a person's wilful neglect of his own family (that is, wife and children)." A Muslim ought to balance his duties towards his wife and children with those that he owes towards his parents and other blood relations. Since Islam is a religion of balance, one is supposed to balance both these duties.

You are not asking too much of your husband if you insist that he provide for you and your children separate living quarters close to his own parents, so long as he can financially afford it. By doing this he is not in any way disobeying his parents. He need not listen to his parents should they object to this arrangement, especially if the wife is not comfortable in living with them, for his duty to provide his wife with her own personal space supersedes his duty to please his parents in this matter.

Having said this, I must point out that he can never be remiss in his filial duties. Finding you a living quarter close to theirs so that they can call on him any time is an ideal compromise.

Having said this, I must also advise you never to set yourself up as a rival with his parents in competing for your husband's love and attention. As a Muslimah you should encourage your husband to keep good relations with his parents. Your husband may do well to know that he needs to balance his commitment towards his parents with his commitment towards you and your children. He is never allowed to sacrifice one for the other."


Ask the Schoolar